I suck with goblins.
I don’t know how to play them. Like Undead or Dark Elves, I just don’t really get them.
Still, like the insane Blood Bowl fanatic I am (pun intended), a bunch of us Bristol peeps (including fellow podcaster Nazgob) decided that taking Goblins to the new and shiny SAWBBowl would be a good idea.
SAWBBowl is Glowworm’s new baby, rising from the ashes of Crumb-Bowl like some glorious phoenix, if the phoenix was northern and sounded like Joe Pasquale. It’s a non-tiered tournament. 1100tv, and you get 6 skills including a double, or you can swap the double for two normals on the same player – provided that player is numbered ‘4’ on your roster. Long story.
Anyhoo, here’s the roster I took:
- Troll with Guard
- Troll with Guard
- Bomma with Hail Mary Pass
- Looney with Leap
- Fungus the Loon
- Fanatic with Mighty Blow
- Goblin with Diving Tackle
1 Bribe, 1 Reroll
Experienced Goblin players will probably shake their head at this for many reasons:
- Too few goblins
- Too few bribes
- Too many weapons
What do they know, eh?!
I built this roster as a sort of bring-all-the-toys approach, hoping the general pandemonium would be conducive to startling victory.
How wrong I was.
My first game was against Darkson’s Vampire team. If there was ever a team I stood a chance against, it would be a vampire team. He had only three vampires, one with Block, one with Dodge, and one with Blodge. A smattering of Tackle and Wrestle rounded off the army of thralls, and five(!) rerolls meant he was well prepared for Vampire chicanery.
The game started pretty well, with my swathe of MB causing a decent level of pain. Hitting guys, KOing guys, even a Cas or two. It was all going well. The Bomma was a bit crap though, throwing bombs heartily into the audience.
Unfortunately for me, I forgot that Vampires can actually be pretty amazing. Before I could blink I had vampires all over the place, and my ball carrier was on the floor. The ball sailed beautifully over the heads of my silly goblins, and I was scored against on turn 6. Phooey.
All my weapons were sent off bar the Fanatic, who I was able to Argue the Call for. I brought on the Chainsaw, as I didn’t have enough bodies to sub for him. I didn’t use my bribe, as I thought it would make sense to keep it for the end of turn 8.
Not a lot happened for a turn, and the second drive began.
The chainsaw was sent off, but the Fanatic once again was saved by Argue the Call, so I kept my bribe again.
Cue a bit more Vampire nastiness, and once again they scored, leaving me 2-0 down but 2-0 up in Casualties. I did have two dead goblins, but I’d done that myself by throwing one and running one over with Fungus.
Deciding to up their games, my trolls suddenly went crazy in turn 14. Three thralls on the line, one was KOd by a rock. The other two were killed in one turn, and Troll number 3 blitzed another, took a Both Down and killed the 3rd. Nice!
By the end of the match, there was one thrall left on the pitch, but I was still 2-0 down. Maybe the next match will go different, thought I…
There are a few teams that are tough to play against as stunties. One of those is Dwarves. Thankfully, I wasn’t playing Dwarves, though Nazgob had managed an immensely respectable 1-1 draw against the beardy team last round. I instead was drawn against Gorgoroth and his Chaos Dwarves.
So that’s ok then.
He pounded me. Lots. At one point I was setting up with three trolls and a pogo. The HMP Bomma did a thing this game, only once though, taking down a ball carrying Hobgoblin. Cheerfully, despite losing 3-0, I inflicted 4 casualties. Two of those on Chorfs! I was feeling pumped, and turned to talk to Nightwing. My excited Most Casualties dream died away though when I saw he’d pitch cleared his opponent’s Norse with his own Norse team. Never mind then!
Two games, two losses, but I had learned that Goblins were hilarious fun. My last game was against Angry Hobbit, one of the best sports in Blood Bowl, returning without fail to tourney after tourney with Stunty after Stunty after Stunty. This time he’d brought his Ogres, with Brick’Farth and Grotty in tow.
My trolls decided that killing snotlings was so passé, and elected instead to KO as many as possible. The Cas count was pretty pathetic on both sides, with our guys killing themselves more than the enemy. My HMP wasted my only reroll on my first action of the game, snake-eyesing it and stunning himself.
Grotty took down Fungus in a display of immense bravery, before dying on a failed dodge. Snotling after Snotling flew through the air, ball in hand, only to fail the landing time after time. The Bomma did something useful at one point, picking up the ball and HMPing it to the other end of the pitch.
In the end, I scored 3 CAS (the lowest of my three games), but finally won 2-1.
When we were waiting for the awards to be given out, I had a chat to the Hugo. He had beaten a Wood Elf team with his Goblins! A hell of an achievement.
…However, as it turned out, the amount of CAS I’d been inflicting each game was boosting my tournament points, and it ended up that I was one point ahead of Hugo… nabbing me the Stunty Cup! I was certain there had been a mistake, but no!
This means I’ve now won a Stunty Cup with Ogres and Goblins. Halflings, here we come!
Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with Ripper and the Trolls, while disappointed with the Chainsaw and the Bomma. I can never get my head around chainsaws.
Maybe I’m just bad with Goblins.